I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
