Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
