my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
