Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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