Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
