the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Sext me about skeletons
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
