I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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