my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
