If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize