Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's blow job season.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
