i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
