Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize