theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
