The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
