I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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