No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
