Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
