Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize