I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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