So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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