and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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