i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
