At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
