our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
