Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize