are you still at the devil's house?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
