I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
