Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
