If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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