Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
