Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
