So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
