Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize