as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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