Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
