And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
