drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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