sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
