he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
