apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
