remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
