i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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