Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
