I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
