Say something about gay babies.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
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