I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
