My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
