so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
