I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
