Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
