You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize