how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
