dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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