Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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