So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
No subtext here. People are naked.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
