I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
