i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
