sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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