we have officially lost it.
4 words: hood of his car
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
