i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
