hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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