Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
