When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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