Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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