I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
