Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
