did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
