I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
