I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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