I must be too annoying 4 u.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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