Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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