Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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