Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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