I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I don't think brook has ever known best
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
